Author: Steff Knecht
Today Will Be Better
October 16, 2013
Hi friends,
Today I had a strange pain in my arm throbbing and aching in the same spot randomly throughout the day. By mid afternoon I was beginning to get a little annoyed with it. But right then, on the verge of frustration, I was reminded by a little voice inside my head about how far I’ve come and how grateful I should be for just this little pain in my forearm.
Shortly after my daughter was born I started having a constant aching in my hips. The ache began to keep me up at night. Sleepless nights turned to daytime exhaustion. Within a month, the pain spread throughout my body. After going to the doctor and receiving no diagnosis after many tests, I gave into the pain. I hurt so bad my kids couldn’t hug me without it making me cry. I went back to the doctor again and again with no diagnosis and no sense of hope. I went to a specialist, finally got a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia (which my grandmother and aunt also have) and got started on medications. None of them worked. In fact, if a medicine listed five side effects on the bottle I probably got at least three of them. So they’d put me on a different one to help with the side effects of the first. I had side effects from the second one as well and they’d take me off of both and try out a new one. REPEAT from here.
I began to wonder if this is what life was just going to look for me like from then on. Maybe I just had to live with the pain. Or maybe, I thought, I should just keep trying new medications until I found the right one…because how could I just keep living like that. Finally I started a medication that was supposed to be oh so great. I had the worst experience yet and he immediately took me off of it because “I was having adverse reactions.” All this process up to now was about two years of agony. Two years of not being able to be active or play with my kids. Two years of waking up in the morning and dreading having to start moving. Two years of fearing someone I met would squeeze when shaking my hand. When I tried that last medication and realized it was the worst one yet, I through in the towel on medications and doctors. What I didn’t throw the towel on though was life.
I decided then that I couldn’t rely on the doctors for this. Medicines weren’t working and I had to do something new. We started eating healthier, I cut out all artificial sweeteners and I started walking. I began reading about the power our minds have over our bodies and how our thoughts create our world. I found hope. I found determination to not accept the pain as reality. I felt powerful. I reminded myself that I was worthy of a great life and my body can heal itself. I began telling myself every morning when I woke up, “Today will be even better.” The amazing thing is, it was. I didn’t just wake up one morning miraculously healed but over time, my health has changed and so have my thoughts. Some days I have some aches like today. Sometimes as the weather changes I have a flare up and there are multiple days in a row of those aches. I never give up though.
So today I had this pain in my arm. After all I went through several years ago, this pain seems so silly now. I’m grateful for all the great days. I’m grateful that I am basically healed and pray for those that aren’t yet. I’m grateful for my body supporting me through daily activities and now through exercising and running. I’m grateful for every hug I get that feels so amazing and pain free. (I LOVE hugs!) Every morning I wake up I go through a list of things I’m thankful for that day. I still say, “Today will be even better. You know what, it is. And for that, I am grateful.
Authentically,
Steff
Kicking Asphalt
October 12, 2013
Next weekend I’m running in a half marathon. I ran one in 2008 with my sister Becky and found it to be one of the most empowering things I had done for myself. So thinking I needed a reminder of that feeling, I signed up again. Five years ago my
kids were just little bits playing recreational sports and taking dance. This time around there is a lot more juggling involved and I haven’t trained near as thoroughly as I should have been, skipping my cross training days all together. I am paying for it with soreness and swelling and some of my runs have been harder than I feel like they should be. I have all my long training runs completed and now just tapering down before the big race. I’ve had a great time running with my sister and my two “besties” and I’ve learned that I can run on my own too and that’s been a pretty cool thing to know. In 2008 I never ran more than 3 or 4 miles by myself. This time around my longest run alone was 8 miles. That’s a lot of time to reflect when you run as slow as I do! Like my friend Callie pinned the other day on Pinterest “I’m slower than Internet Explorer on a 90’s Dial Up Speed connection BUT I RUN.”
Hello World!
October 11, 2013
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without effor and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails at least fails while dairy greatly, so this his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt.
I first read this quote after reading one of my favorite books suggested to me by a friend. The book is Daring Greatly
by Brene Brown and if you have not read it or listened Brene’s CD The Power of Vulnerability
, I strongly suggest you do. I listened to both during a time of finding myself again and having the courage to be authentic. This journey has been going on for the last three to four years and I’m learning it’s a continuous challenge, but oh, so worth it. I am learning to listen to my voice and not the critics. If you know me from when I was younger, you know that I was a very outgoing, confident, curly haired girl who was comfortable on stage or leading a pep rally. What you might not know is that somewhere along the timeline, I became an anxious, insecure, introverted person who would rather sit in a corner with a few people I know instead of making new connections. Instead of treasuring my uniqueness, I began to blend. It was easier that way it seemed. I lost my confidence and then slowly lost sight of myself. I got wrapped up in the rolls of motherhood and marriage, doing what I thought I should do to make others happy. It wasn’t about me so I thought. Fast forward and here I am re-inventing myself. The real me. Yes I am a wife, a month of two extremely active kids in sports, a coach, volunteer in the community, a cook, a house keeper (not very good at that one), a daughter, sister, an aunt, etc.. Oh and I have a full time job that I commute to every day. Sounds familiar to many of you I’m sure. With all of that responsibility, I have learned that I am still an individual. I am a soul longing to live life on purpose, spread as much light and love as possible and handle of the craziness in between.
I am in this amazing time of my life now. Discovering myself again. Making time to do things that STEFF wants to do too. I run (doing a half marathon next week), try new things, avid learner for health and natural medicine, I read, step outside my comfort zone whenever possible and I’m enjoying every step along the way!
Dont get me wrong, the rest of my life is awesome too. Crazy busy, but awesome. I have a rock star family and when not at a sporting event, we make the most of our time – biking, hiking, boating, chilling by a camp fire or watching movies. Almost all relatives live within 45 minutes, we spend a lot of time with our parents, I have a great job working for really good people and I have the best of friends. They’re weird like me! (More on them another day.) I’m not perfect and neither is my family but we like it that way.
So…what else would a zen seeking – crazy scheduled – some days on the brink of insanity – light worker want to do? How about start a blog? Yeah, that’s a great idea! So here it is. Day One post of Authentically Steff. It will be exactly that. My life…pretty much unfiltered, sharing my challenges of being my true authentic self while also fulfilling the other roles I carry. I’ll share whatever I feel that day. It might be something about self discovery or spirituality. It might be a proud momma moment or something incredibly silly my family did that day or perhaps my take a-ways from a book I’m reading. I’ll also share the things I’m learning – courage and vulnerability, essential oils & natural medicine, homemade cleaning products, home projects and crafts. Just whatever the day might bring. No hiding our crazy family schedule. No hiding my mistakes and failures as I fumble through life with my family. After all, it’s my mistakes as well as my successes that have lead me to where I am today and I am loving every minute of it.
I appreciate you joining me in this venture!
Authentically,
Steff