School starts tomorrow. It can be such an exciting time; new school clothes, assignment of teachers, changing of the seasons around the corner, etc. Parents of young children are happy to get back to their routine and kids are excited to see their friends again. As my kids get older though, that excitement has started to fade. Not just for our kids but for me. I am absolutely having a battle of the ego right now. I’ll give you both sides. Perhaps you can connect with my ego. Perhaps you can connect with my soul. Or if you’re like me, perhaps you battle between the two.
Ego says, “Don’t grow older. Don’t leave me. Please.” I cry at the thought of Jaden going to high school tomorrow. When I think of the big transitions for Jaden going to high school and Jordyn going to middle school, I want to throw myself on the ground and have a full on fit. How can this be?! How can my baby boy just be a few short years away from leaving me? Tears roll down my cheeks even now as I write this. He is such a wonderful young man – he is a gentleman, a hugger, he freely compliments, has a great sense of humor, a creative thinker, he understands the Law of Attraction, can be quite an Empath, and is a kind soul. Jaden makes me so proud to be his mother. I am so extremely grateful for him in my life. How can I imagine waking up in the mornings and he is in his bed, but that bed is not in my house? Even now when at times he wants a little space and goes to his room he is still just ten steps away from me. What will I do when he is ready to go and live on his own? How is it possible for me to handle that? Why would he leave me? How can he hug my goodnight if he leaves? How will he be here with me to smile at me and say good morning or open doors for me? Yes, I know all those questions are about me. I KNOW that is ego. I just love him so damn much and my ego wants him to always be with me. I selfishly wish he would stay young with me forever. My ego’s heart is absolutely breaking at the thought of it. Ego is crushed. Ego is bawling her eyes out right now begging him to stay. The truth is though; he will always be my baby. A thought bigger than that though is while he’ll always be my baby, he’s never truly been “mine to keep.”
So…with that said, here is how I look at it from the Soul Level…which honestly, is the only thing getting me through this. He’s not MINE. He is another spirit just like mine who is having a human experience. I am fortunate enough to be able to experience life on Earth with him. It is our responsibility as parents to love our children whole heartedly, empower them, believe in them, teach them right from wrong and give them all the tools and information possible to help them live independently. I want my kids to be joyful, brave, confident people who experience life to the fullest and never settle for anything less than they deserve. Kids take their cues from their parents. If he heard what my ego was saying he would be scared to death! I don’t want that for him. I want him to be excited about the life that lies ahead and to do so, I will practice to connect at my soul level so that he can connect to his. My soul is thrilled for him and the exciting years in front of him. Jaden has so many opportunities and choices to make. He now begins to truly create the life HE wants. He is just beginning to make the choices that make his soul happy and set out on his journey. It is wonderful! I get to witness it. That is just amazing to me. That day will come when I will need to let him go…and I will.
After the great Dr. Maya Angelou’s passing, I had the pleasure of coming across an interview that she did with Oprah Winfrey and I want to share it with you. In it, she talked about how love liberates and that to truly love someone is to let them go. She went on to say that one of the greatest gifts her mother gave her was that she liberated her to life. She gave her the freedom to go and explore the world and find her greatness. Through that lesson, Dr. Angelou did the same for her mother when she was dying and she did the same for her son as he left the house. She said “you see love liberates. It doesn’t bind, love says I love you. I love you if you’re in china, I love you if you’re across town, I love you if you’re in harlem, I love you. I would like to be near you, I would like to have your arms around me, I would like to have your voice in my ear but that’s not possible now, I love you so go. Love liberates it doesn’t hold. That’s ego. Love liberates.” That quote speaks volumes to me and I hold it so close to my heart. In fact, I now have this quote printed out and in front of me so I can refer to it whenever ego might start to take over and tears find their way down my face. Ego holds. Love Liberates.
Here is a five minute clip of that interview for you to also enjoy…