Category: Authenticity and Spirituality
Forgive and Heal
November 2, 2013
Forgiveness is a tough one. Some things happen in life that don’t seem significant enough and you can easily forgive. Then there are events and people in life that upset you and you try to forgive. You say “It’s okay” and move on. But do you really? Think about it for a second. Think of something that someone did that upset you. You quickly dismissed it and tried to move on and forgive. When you think of that person and that specific incident, do you feel good about it now or does it instantly bring you back to the moment in time? That pain. That hurt. Does it still linger? If so, you haven’t truly forgiven. There are also those times most of us have encountered where the circumstances just seem too tough to forgive. Perhaps you have too much pain or anger that you haven’t even begun to forgive.
A number of years ago after the birth of my daughter, there was situation that occurred that hurt me pretty bad. I felt betrayed, angry and sad. I just could not let it go. Whenever it came to my mind I quickly brought it up to the people that were involved, throwing it in their face as if just to remind them I still remembered. (I don’t know what good THAT did other than try to make them feel bad because I still hurt.) I TRIED to forgive. I definitely wanted to forget. I just couldn’t seem to accomplish that though for the longest time. It was at least two years or more of holding onto that anger before I finally got to a place where I could truly forgive. I was tired of being so effected by it and frankly, it was exhausting to keep holding on to all that pain. I realized I had to change my line of thinking. Instead of focusing on the pain, I started to send love to those people. It was so challenging, but I did it. I guess what really helped me was to realize that the event that caused the pain, wasn’t of the people that caused the pain. I tried to get perspective from the other side and come to a place of understanding. After understanding, I came to a place of love. Not love in the sense that I wanted them in my life but more of a place of peace. I wanted the best for them and when I passed them in the street, I wanted to be able to give a genuine smile. After a while, I finally got there.
In Marrianne Williamson’s book A Return to Love she writes, “Forgiveness is ‘selective remembering’–a conscious decision tofocus on love and let the rest go.” That doesn’t necessarily mean accepting them back into your life to allow circumstances to repeat, but it is a decision to focus on love. Marianne goes on to say, “Only love is real. Nothing else actually exists. If a person behaves unlovingly, then, that means that, regardless of their negativity–anger or whatever–their behavior was derived from fear and doesn’t actually exist. They’re hallucinating. You forgive them, then, because there’s nothing to forgive. Forgiveness is a discernment between what is real and what is not real.” Love is all there is. Deep…I know.
You might be thinking now of a person or two who you could forgive but have you also thought about forgiven yourself? It’s time we let go of past mistakes we keep beating ourselves up about. We hurt someone else but still hold onto the guilt. We said the wrong thing at the wrong time, let someone down when they needed us, or made a decision we wish we wouldn’t have. It’s in the past and we can’t change it. So it’s time to forgive ourselves and move on. Do not look back. Only look forward. Let go of the guilt. Let go of the shame. When we forgive, we free up all that space in our hearts for more love and we grow as individuals. Our bodies will heal and our spirits will be free.
Authentically,
Steff
Cleaning Out My Closet
October 29, 2013
Something very strange happened on Saturday afternoon. Anyone who knows us, knows how truly strange it is…We didn’t have anything scheduled to do. We had a soccer game scheduled for 7:40 a.m. but our daughter was recovering from a virus so we couldn’t go. The rest of the day was WIDE OPEN. It was absolutely amazing. I made it my goal to stay in my big, comfy sweatpants all day and I succeeded. Hey…Small victories can have a big impact. 😉
My ankle has been bothering me so it was important that I took it easy for a few days. I took advantage of the laid back free day and decided to clean out my closet. (I know, not THAT taking it as easy as I should, but we’ll save that for another day.) I have attempted to clean out my closet before and it has only resulted in my pulling a few pieces of clothing out and the rest stayed the same. This time I was determined to do it right. I got online and read about 10 different articles on how to clean out your closet and combined the ideas.
I pulled every single item out of the closet, including shoes, purses, and belts and I started going through it. I first found my favorite things that I loved and wore on a regular basis and I put them in one pile. Then I pulled out everything that needs mended or sent to the dry cleaner and put them in another pile. Everything left from there was sorted into three categories: keep, maybe and donate. When I finished sorting, I went back to my maybe pile. If I hadn’t worn it in a year, if it didn’t fit correctly, or it wasn’t flattering, I moved it to the donate pile. When I moved everything back into my closet, I organized it by color. Isn’t it pretty? See the picture to the right. I even organized my shoes by types of shoes and nicely organized my scarves and hats. From start to finish, it took me several hours but it was so worth it. I now look in my closest and I can clearly see what I have to wear and I can coordinate outfits easier. When I open the closet door it makes me smile. It is light and bright. It just feels good.
I’ve always been a more of a messy person. (Right Mom and Dad?) I have read that right-brained people tend to be messier people because their brain is wired differently then left-brained. So I just need to work a little harder to stay organized. A cluttered space means a cluttered mind. The clutter and disorganization competes for space in our minds and therefore making it harder to concentrate and think clearly. We know our thoughts create our world, and I for one, don’t want to be creating chaos and clutter. Life can be complicated enough as it is.
I am going to make a list of all the things in my house that could use a little de-cluttering and see what else I can clean out. The three main places I spend my time are my house, my car and my office. It is my focus to keep all three of those spaces as beautiful as possible. I’m clearing out the clutter. I’m clearing out the road blocks. I’m concentrating on creating the beautiful spaces in my beautiful life. Won’t you join me?
Authentically,
Steff