Strength Inside Myself

I was procrastinating on an important decision recently and one of my friends helped me to make a choice without giving any of her input at all. She simply trusted that I would make the correct decision for myself and continued to regularly ask me what I had decided. She never once tried to sway me one way or the other. Finally, after weeks of checking in with me she asked me again. I told her that I just wasn’t sure what to do. I was concerned I could possibly make the wrong choice so I just wasn’t going to make a choice. This time however, she simply said “What would it look like if I…” and that’s really all she needed to do. I took a moment to look at the possible scenarios and knew that the best thing I could do for myself was what I was avoiding all along. (Interesting how we do that, isn’t it?) So right then, I told her what I was going to do and the next day I acted on that decision. I felt so good that I make that decision. I felt confident about it and my friend lovingly helped me to make the choice on my own.

Strength inside myselfIt was truly a beautiful process, a friend helping me in a time of uncertainty.  She never pushed me or got impatient and she never gave up on me. She never even gave her opinion. She simply encouraged me to imagine the possibilities of my choices and trusted me to make the decision. There’s a little more to it than that I guess. She believed in me. She reminded me in a quiet way that I had the strength within myself. She held me in a space of love and trust and it empowered me. It was wonderful and I’m inspired to help others the same way when they are faced with decisions or uncertainty.

What if we approached everyone in our lives that way? What if we wake up in the morning and immediately trust those in our lives to also make the correct decisions? What if we hold them in such a space of love and trust that they feel empowered to be themselves and to do the right things? I hope and pray that when my children are faced with a choice, they will see the possible paths, feel my love and confidence in them and then make a self-reliant decision.  So what if we all do that for our children? What if did the same for our family, our friends and our coworkers? What if we even did the same for strangers? Just image the love and empowerment that each of them would feel. We really need to do the same for ourselves too.  I need to remind myself over and over that I am perfectly capable of knowing for myself and what the right things to do are. I should believe in myself.  I DO believe in myself… and I believe in you, too.

Authentically,
SteffBelieveInYourself

Paying Attention to the Messages

waiting for a sign colorMany times the universe can give us subtle hints or nudges in a certain direction. There are times we hear faint whispers of messages that we need, or we coincidences that occur in our lives as God’s way of acknowledging we’re on the right path. Then there are times we get smacked upside the head as to say “HEY! Listen, I’m talking to you!” Sometimes we get that smack in the head, brush it off and ignore that it happened. Unfortunately if you ignore the messages, they often come back even louder until we get the message. My advice? Don’t wait for that.

I love my crazy life so don’t get me wrong. I feel I do a good job staying connected and grounded to what’s important. I know we go full speed ahead a large percentage of the time but we do it with our family and friends. I love that most everything I do, I do for my family, my friends or my community and I make time for myself with exercise, blogging, time with my girlfriends, etc. HOWEVER…I’ve been given a message that I need to slow down. Howboot do I know that’s the message? Because I have an air cast on my foot. Yep, a sexy black boot on my right ankle. It’s nothing serious. Just a little tendon damage that needs some time to heal and it will. I have it on though because I was NOT allowing my body to heal on it’s own. After injuring it running, I gave it a couple of weeks to heal and then went right back to my training program for the half marathon. Then after the race, I knew it needed time so I took a break from running but I did continue with the normal day to day. Sure I iced it, elevated and even rested it for several weeks but unfortunately it wasn’t enough. So God decided to tell me to chill out. Stick a boot on it and rest.

I have to tell you though; I’m still struggling with it. It’s hard to slow down. It’s hard to ask for help when I’m used to doing so much. I got my pretty new black boot on Thursday evening and last night it really dawned on me that I’m STILL not taking care of myself the way I should. So I’m making a declaration of sorts. I’m going to allow myself to heal. My ankle needs a minimum of three weeks in this air cast and I need to give it the rest it needs. I’m going to ask for more help and graciously accept it when someone offers. I am going to do less and rest more. On an airplane, they instruct you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first and then on your children. That is for a very logical reason; the better we take care of ourselves the more we can help others. I actually just told a good friend of mine that a couple weeks ago.  Its time I took that advice for myself and listen to the messages that I’m being giving.  It’s time to slow down for a bit.

The realization that I haven’t been listening as clearly as I should about my foot, makes me wonder if I’m paying attention to the other signs and messages I’m being given. We will all have those little coincidences, those “God winks” that can easily be missed. Was I paying attention to them? Well if I wasn’t, I am now!

Authentically,
Steff

Forgive and Heal

Forgive and heal imageForgiveness is a tough one. Some things happen in life that don’t seem significant enough and you can easily forgive. Then there are events and people in life that upset you and you try to forgive. You say “It’s okay” and move on. But do you really? Think about it for a second. Think of something that someone did that upset you. You quickly dismissed it and tried to move on and forgive. When you think of that person and that specific incident, do you feel good about it now or does it instantly bring you back to the moment in time?  That pain. That hurt. Does it still linger? If so, you haven’t truly forgiven. There are also those times most of us have encountered where the circumstances just seem too tough to forgive. Perhaps you have too much pain or anger that you haven’t even begun to forgive.

 

A number of years ago after the birth of my daughter, there was situation that occurred that hurt me pretty bad. I felt betrayed, angry and sad. I just could not let it go. Whenever it came to my mind I quickly brought it up to the people that were involved, throwing it in their face as if just to remind them I still remembered. (I don’t know what good THAT did other than try to make them feel bad because I still hurt.) I TRIED to forgive. I definitely wanted to forget. I just couldn’t seem to accomplish that though for the longest time. It was at least two years or more of holding onto that anger before I finally got to a place where I could truly forgive. I was tired of being so effected by it and frankly, it was exhausting to keep holding on to all that pain. I realized I had to change my line of thinking. Instead of focusing on the pain, I started to send love to those people. It was so challenging, but I did it. I guess what really helped me was to realize that the event that caused the pain, wasn’t of the people that caused the pain. I tried to get perspective from the other side and come to a place of understanding. After understanding, I came to a place of love. Not love in the sense that I wanted them in my life but more of a place of peace. I wanted the best for them and when I passed them in the street, I wanted to be able to give a genuine smile. After a while, I finally got there.

In Marrianne Williamson’s book A Return to Love she writes, “Forgiveness is ‘selective remembering’–a conscious decisionA Return to Love image tofocus on love and let the rest go.” That doesn’t necessarily mean accepting them back into your life to allow circumstances to repeat, but it is a decision to focus on love. Marianne goes on to say, “Only love is real. Nothing else actually exists. If a person behaves unlovingly, then, that means that, regardless of their negativity–anger or whatever–their behavior was derived from fear and doesn’t actually exist. They’re hallucinating. You forgive them, then, because there’s nothing to forgive. Forgiveness is a discernment between what is real and what is not real.”  Love is all there is. Deep…I know.

 

You might be thinking now of a person or two who you could forgive but have you also thought about forgiven yourself? It’s time we let go of past mistakes we keep beating ourselves up about. We hurt someone else but still hold onto the guilt. We said the wrong thing at the wrong time, let someone down when they needed us, or made a decision we wish we wouldn’t have. It’s in the past and we can’t change it. So it’s time to forgive ourselves and move on. Do not look back. Only look forward. Let go of the guilt. Let go of the shame.  When we forgive, we free up all that space in our hearts for more love and we grow as individuals. Our bodies will heal and our spirits will be free.

 

Authentically,

Steff